SJS Press July 2011

The current state of the global economy is in flux and here in the United States, we are experiencing the effects of the worst recession since the last one. The jobs market has been hit hard, leaving national unemployment rates close to 10 percent. However, one sector of the jobs market is thriving. The Press takes a look at the airport security hiring boom.

On a recent July evening, Matt Wright of Crystal City Virginia sat unemployed in front of his television for a night of PlayStation and pizza. When the pizza was delivered, Wright noticed something unusual on top of the pizza box. It was an employment ad for the TSA; the Transportation Security Administration. "Good benefits and X-ray vision? That sounds awesome!" Matt exclaimed. "And it's for a position close by at Washington Reagan Airport which I can practically walk to!"

The TSA was successful in recruiting Wright into its ranks using this type of guerilla marketing. "Well it wasn't just the ad on the box," he explains. "I actually wanted to be a pilot and I have a self-diagnosed case of Shiny Jet Syndrome; SJS." Wright would have done anything to become a pilot, even if it meant flying without compensation. Due to the nation's economic crisis, Wright was unable to attend flight school. The banks were unwilling to lend him the $100,000 he requested for pilot training so he could go on to make the big salary that a regional jet first officer commands. For Wright, work as a TSA agent was the next closest thing to being a pilot. He continues his story. "So I couldn't be a pilot even with the level of SJS that I have, but as a TSA agent working at the x-ray scanner, I've been able to enjoy many of the perks that an SJS pilot has. For one, my hair gel collection has grown from all the liquid and gel confiscations I perform. And two, I get to wear a cool uniform that people respect. I don't have wings, but the shiny brass badge is neat!"

Wright was not the only TSA agent recruited using unorthodox means. In an odd coincidence, Wright's brother Chris also saw the job opening in an unsuspecting place. "I was just about to carjack this guy at the gas station when I saw the ad. I realized that I could be using my energy to stop terrorists disguised as elderly people and young children. Perhaps run a body scanner or put myself through one of those x-ray machines. What was I doing?!" Chris has definitely benefitted from his new life as a government agent which began after seeing the TSA ad above the gas pump that night. "My little brother [Matt] keeps all the hair gel, but I get to keep the booze!"

Whether or not Matt and Chris will continue their success as airport security officers will only be seen in time. However, The Press concludes that any job is better than no job at all. The TSA has shown the good that gas pump and pizza box ads can bring to our nation. More employment, safer skies, and hair gel for all.

SJS PRESS