TheSeatNazi

SJS Press Union Buster Edition 2009

This special edition of The Press opens with a pop quiz. How many seats do you see at the top of the page? If you said 6, you answered incorrectly. The Press explains.

The real answer, 5, resides with Republic Airways C.E.O. Bryan Bedford. Known as "The Reverend", Bedford has managed to make airline passenger seats simply disappear. When reminded by his pilot group that Republic's recently aquired airplanes hold 100 seats, The Reverend states "No! There are 99 seats! You can clearly see that other item which says 'Do Not Occupy' is not a seat."

LittleBedfordThis ability to make seats invisible to himself and the law began early on in his life. NotaSeatAs a child aspiring to be an airline manager, little Bedford refused to sit during school claiming there was not a seat to sit in. From industry neophyte to airline executive, he gained a following according to his anti seatite views. Eventually he became the leader of the "Kein Sitz" style of management and came close to taking over the airline world with his distorted view that management is allowed to perform vanishing seat acts.

Eddie&BBRepublic's pilot personnel tried to bring this modern day Houdini to justice one Holiday season. After slashing Christmas bonuses Bedford ended up as a gift from a pilot's cousin Eddie. Standing in that pilot's living room, one would think that Bedford would have felt shame and embarassment for his anti seat ways. However, Bedford retaliated by having the pilot displaced from his domicile.

BBleaderJustice was not served that night. Bedford would not change his ways. SJS would work for him at all costs. As the pilot group of Republic Airways knows, when asking for seat recognition, this Seat Nazi has only one response. "No seat for you!"

 

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